I'm sick of me, of the old me...I'm not a loser, I'm a winner...This is how it supposed to be...I just want me. This time the universe will be mine, he will do whatever i want to...
So...
This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end
After all, the end is the man best friend...All things come to an end...Everything has an end, everything has to end somewhere.
Of our elaborate plans, the end Of everything that stands, the end No safety or surprise, the end I'll never look into your eyes...again
I just wanted to live my never-ending story, made with sweet dreams, love and trust... Useless. So, this is the end of my expectations, I shall build another ones...
Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need...of some...stranger's hand
In a...desperate land
I broke this picture, i chased away my dreams... This is the end of my spirit's journey. He rested here for a while, believing that he finally found happiness, love, harmony...But he's wrong, he found just wisdom... A great treasure, I'd say... But this is not enough...he just wants to be free, free to love, to feel, to scream, to laugh to hate... free to do anything. He wants to share his selfishness in two. As a result, every end has a beginning...
Lost in a Roman...wilderness of pain
And all the children are insane
All the children are insane
Waiting for the summer rain, yeah
My innocence, apparently was killed, you took it away, but I'm waiting for the summer rain, she'll wash away my pain, my bad thoughts, my love... Let the storm begin, feel my wrath... The last feeling of madness, paranoia. My life is too short to be like that...
There's danger on the edge of town
Ride the King's highway, baby
Weird scenes inside the gold mine
Ride the highway west, baby
All I wanted was... I found what I was searching for, but it was too good to be true, is all in my head...I hate this.
Ride the snake, ride the snake
To the lake, the ancient lake, baby
The snake is long, seven miles
Ride the snake...he's old, and his skin is cold
I was caught by some feelings, by lust, purity, innocence, by the temptation of being with you... I'm poisoned again...
The west is the best The west is the best Get here, and we'll do the rest
Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill
Go there...but don't kill my soul, my dreams, my hopes...
This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end
I don't want to look in the past anymore, because i'll miss the essence of life. What's done is done, i'll leave it alone, i won't regret it...
It hurts to set you free
But you'll never follow me
The end of laughter and soft lies
The end of nights we tried to die
I just wanted to make you smile, to make me smile...
This is the end
I'll leave this place, I'll go faraway from you, faraway from here, into a place that you can't find me... faraway from everything. Because this time is all about me... All I want is to be alone for a while, to discover myself, because it hurt too much...I've suffered enough...Loneliness is my only confident now... I just don't wanna lose you, because is too good to be true...
This is the end of myself, I'll give birth to a new me, same old new me... I won't look back, there's a single today, the rest, is past... I shall go with the wind...
I found my happiness provider, i won't let it go...
*All rights reserved Photographers: me for the pics 3,4,5 Darius C. for the 1st picture Alex B. for pictures 6,7 All the pics are edited by me
Marea se uita la mine cu ochi verzi invaluiti in nuante de maro si pe alocuri de albastru, patrunzator...ma pierd in ea...ma simt fericita.
Sau confund...?
Dar vantul imi aduce-aminte ca fericirea-i efemera, ca lumina unei lumanari, nu exista practic...bate mai tare, imi rascoleste sufletul, vreau sa ploua...
Ploua...ma linistesc...
Mi-a luat tot...
Iar pierd, si ma intreb cu ce am gresit...
Dar nu-i nimic, pentru ca marea a fost,este si va fi dragostea mea, macar ea nu va pleca, odata cu vantul...Va fi acolo, cand o caut, ma va primi mereu cu bratele deschise si cu atingeri racoritoare, ma va purta in neant...
E ironic, stiu...
Pentru ca mereu raman cu marea-n suflet si cu scoica mea...cu o scoica cu povesti uitate, scrise de un suflet ratacit si singur mereu, care din cand in cand crede ca a gasit marcajul ce duce spre varf sau refugiu...
Se inseala, nu stie sa se orienteze probabil...si-a pierdut candva busola, sau poate ca nu a avut-o niciodata...
Si pun scoica intr-un raft, prafuit cu deziluzii, vise, sperante...inca astept.
Si ma voi fi pierdut intr-o culoare...
Nu renunt...
*All rights reserved
Photographer: me
Tools: 1st pic Canon S3IS, 2nd and 3rd Canon EOS MK ii+closeup lenses
Si brusc viata mea s-a schimbat. Momentul pe care-l asteptam, a venit, invaluit intr-o ceata neagra...
Traim intr-o lume fara scrupule, unde cadavrele-s calcate-n picoare, ipocrizia e in floare, iar binele pierde mai mereu in fata raului. Cei buni vor muri de foame...
Imi pierd ratiunea si deviez catre panta abrupta, ma uit inainte, in zare. Peisajul pare rupt dintr-o carte, feeria-i sumbra imi invaluie sufletul cu o oarecare intunecare si inima-mi pompeaza un sange...pesimist.
Vantul imi bate-n spate, ma uit in jurul meu, totu-i gol... ma uit in jos. Imi fixez mai bine pe talie hamul vietii, trag de coarda si zambesc, un puseu de andrenalina imi urca la tample, caut speranta.
Aici nu o gasesc, sistemul nu ma ajuta...ne-a omorat. Privesc in perspectiva, nu exista sau poate nu o vad eu aici, sau poate ca urasc ceea ce vad, imi e scarba, lehamite, greata. Da...imi e greata, hai sa futem sistemul, dar stai...deja ne-a aranjat el pe noi...birocratia.
Ma uit in jos, imi pregatesc carabele pentru asigurare,o viata lunga ma asteapta, traseul pare excitant, hmm... Vizualizez cat de cat primele pitoane, imi scot camera, o setez, trag o panorama...si ma duc. Picior la stanga, mana la dreapta, ajung la primul piton, infig caraba...
Parca a durat o vesnicie! Palmele-mi sunt transpirate, caut un punct de sprijin, mainile ma dor... Vantul minciunilor bate din ce in ce mai tare, ma uit in jos...Parca nu era asa de abrupta....?!Brusc imi pierd motivatia...Ma simt total fara ajutor...Cum naiba am ajuns eu cap de coarda????????
In jurul meu se lasa ceata groasa....
Sunt o luptatoare...viata-mi e un proces in pronuntare, la baza muntelui e verdictul. Caut apararea, solutia o gasesc, dar probele nu exista, se intorc importiva mea.
Eu un sfarsit al noului inceput, sau inceputul sfarsitului...imi fac mustrari de constiinta, habar nu am sa ma tin in coarda...dar am ajuns cap...
Intr-un final toti facem rapel pe coarda vietii, important e sa stii sa te asiguri, sa fii experimentat...
From the series: Normal life for an UPB student
Episode: too many to count.... Very bad sex
Main characters: Me, Bia, Eve...
Director: God
OST: Rolling Stones- I can't get no satisfaction
What a normal student does in session, especially when the next day, at 8 am is taking a big exam??? The big majority is sleeping, eating, studying, but us.....:
Late 11th February night, after a session of showing lousy pictures to Darky I've decided to study few more things for the shitty exam... My sweet tired and drained brain decided to punish me, at 2am with a "deep" sleep. After a resting and sweet night, full of non-concerns ( ya sure..) I've decided to woke, as a studious and working girl at 8.30 am. Full of energy, I took a shower, I ate... daily habits... After 3 hours on mint rubbing I've decided to go to the wonderful faculty, to study harddddd, meanwhile Bia called me, very carried away by the fact that we're going to the mountainside in the weekend. She seemed happy, she made me feel good, but, the " optimistic" biatch inside me, was, as usual a little bit skeptical, out of the blue.
Finally i left my "sweet" house and went to the faculty...
Arrived there, i found that there's no network connections... Usual and normal stuff for a technical environment, especially in an Electronics, Telecommunications and Information Technology faculty... But it's okay i said, we're a herd of engineers living in a place where there's no heat, light sources, power sources, etc. No need to complain, "look at the bright side: you'll study harder" I've said. So I did.
Meanwhile, someone closed the door from the class where i was. Well nothing special here, but there is no door handle on the interior, and the only way to open the door is to enter the room... So... we're stuck about 40 min, where an urgent call of nature was playing with me...Funny, yah...
In this time, giant icicles is falling right in the front of the door from the entrance in za mighty faculty...I shouldn't mention the "skating-rink" from the campus...YEs dear faculty staff... we love you too...10x for providing us security, good conditions and great level of education...
Suddenly i felt sick....Hmm, pms is gone, well it supposed to be like that, because i;m going to the mountains..why i should feel good????No one of my friends or the people studying in that room had an lousy, damn nurofen...
Night comes, so my crazy girls arrived to the mighty "JEG" for a coffee break. We talk, we laugh, we talk... Eve decided not to go the exam, because of that ferocious male of her, Bia said that she had problems with the washing machine, etc..normal stuff.... At one time, Eve said that she had weird dreams about Laura and Bia, as usually i couldn't abstain myself and I've tried to interpret the dreams, saying that the girls we'll be upset with something....
At 11pm we decided to finally go home, not before going to hall to take some shits from there. We took Alex with us. At11.15 we arrived at the parking area, trying to get out of there. As usual, the parking sense of Bia helped us a lot, but in fact she did it well this time, the others cars blocked the exit...Hmm what to do what to do?? The ground is covered with wet snow.... a lot of snow...We decided to risk and go on the other exit(full of snow)... AAAAnd We're STUCK...HEEEEEELLLL YAAAA...Go and push the car: 3 pisi and one dude, the pisi showed their muscles and pushed the car, and Alex was trying to drive it....After some laughter, helping calls (poor Cretzu'), pushing harder, harder,IOOI...we did it, But the exit was still blocked....What should we do???
After turning on the alarm of the car that blocked the exit, the owner came and solved the problem.... We succeeded to exit from the parking area....Good..Now you may say that we're done....NOOOOOOOOOOOOO....Not in the deepest thoughts....
The shield of the car is broken..FUCK.....We borrow another car...Bia" OH, I'm living my life's drama...", i couldn't say anything to her, because she was right....
We're both Pisces and it seems that happiness is not our word...I was trying to be optimistic till the end...We're going back home with the borrowed car, meanwhile my grandma calls and tells me that is a power failure and i can't enter the block...ha ha ha ha ha.....
In her "normal" mind she said to me: come home, and wait for the power to come back in the front of the building....I said: " no, i;m going back to the faculty....", She said: " And where you'll sleep, are there girls..." .And i wanted to fuck her brains out in that moment...she rather see me like a poor dog sitting in the freezing night in the front of the building than going to faculty..
Yes I;M GONNA FUCK EVERYBODY...happy now?
Buuut, I was still optimistic and i hoped till the end that the power will come back until we're driven Alex...And it did....
Now, is 3am and I'm studying hard...in 2hours i have to wake up..I so don't give a fuck about it...anyway i don't like what I'm attending right now....
Conclusions: Today it was like having sex with a guy that has no idea what is he doing, or who is extremely boring, or who while he fuckes you he talks about the exes, or his cookie is getting "harder"....
Another chapter closed from the saga: How to be fucked badly in three simple steps....*
*Steps: 1. Attend to UPB
2. Study in vain
3. Have "special " teachers....
Sorry for being so boring, i suck badly at telling stories...
The reverend he turned to me
Without a tear in his eyes
It's nothing new for him to see
I didn't ask him why
I will remember
The love our souls had
Sworn to make
Now I watch the falling rain
All my mind can see
Now is your (face)
Well I guess You took my youth
I gave it all away
Like the birth of a New-found joy
This love would end in rage
And when she died
I couldn't cry
The pride within my soul
You left me incomplete
All alone as the
Memories now unfold
Believe the word
I will unlock my door
And pass the
Cemetery gates...
Nu inteleg de ce oamenii se bucura cand mai trece cate un an... Va bucurati ca timpul trece, ca imbatraniti fizic, ca tineretea trece, ca deveniti maturi in cazul in care sunteti copii? Care sunt avantajele, idealistic vorbind, trecerii intr-un nou an?
Cine-mi explica?
Sau, va bucurati in speranta ca in anul ce vine visele voastre vi se vor indeplini,ca veti fi mai buni, ca veti iubi mai mult, ca...?
Tendinta omului este sa traiasca in trecut, dar eu, eu vad prezentul, ma hranesc cu trecutul si evit viitorul... De ce? Pentru ca nu sunt invarianta, orice fiinta constituita dintr-o materie organica, perisabila moare...
Nu, nu-mi e frica de moarte, cum as putea sa-mi fie frica de ceva ce cunosc? Ar trebui sa ne fie frica de necunoscut, de nou, nu de ceea ce stim deja... Problema apare aici, o data cu scurgerea nisipului albastru din clepsidra timpului destinat fiecaruia: astept moartea, cu cat nisipul se scurge mai mult, cu atat ea vine mai repede...moartea tineretii, moartea inocentei...o moarte mult mai greu de suportat si de invins decat moartea fizica.
Da! Probabil imi este frica de schimbare, sau poate vreau atat de mult sa ma schimb incat ma amagesc:E timp!... Nu nu-i timp, niciodata nu va mai fi timp, a trecut.
Acum sunt o alta, mi-a ajuns cu vechea noua eu, vreau sa fiu noua veche eu, asa cum am fost odata...imi recapat si recaut fericirea!
Am sa plec departe...unde tu nu ma poti afla, am sa fiu libera. Am sa refiu eu!
New Nyah in progress....1%....
I still reach for the stars, but all I touch is my horizon
I still believe my eyes, but all I see is my blindness
I still reach for the stars, but all I touch is my horizon
I still believe my ears, but all I hear is lasting silence
-very old pic *All rights reserved Photographer:me
Today i felt the need to drink, i brought myself a good red wine. I was just walking on the streets full of hasty people, walking like depraved robots of the also called city, and i felt so lonely, a 1000 of thoughts passed my humble mind, killing my soul...
I'm an spectator, a doll who wants to break her chains, to escape from this place that looks so unfamiliar, yet she knows it well. I think i used to belong here but, yet i fell so tattered and torn, why? Something is missing from my complete state of my soul, i think peace it is or...?
Now is 12 a.m, i drank the entire bottle of wine, but weirdly, the alcohol didn't like my body and punished me with the nasty feeling of not feeling a thing, nor a dizziness or happiness... nothing. It's kinda annoying when i want to get wasted i quite don't succeed to...hmm.
What makes you happy? Have you ever asked that? Have you ever answered truly and honestly?
I miss that stupid smile on my ugly face, my stupid walk followed by my head in the clouds, and my stupid way of be, but my soul was killed, slowly but surely, someone took the last drop... I WANT IT BACK YOU BLOODY BASTARD, FUCK OFF! ALL OF YOU, ALL OF YOU WHO DRANK FROM MY SOUL!
Give me peace, this is all i want, but hell yah, ain't gonna happen' soon, because the place that usually people enjoy staying, for me is like hell on the earth... But guess what, the place that i call home is faraway from me, and, like all the stuff from this shitty world, the road to them is paved with... money. yes, money. People are born, are getting married and they're dying for a "noble" cause: money, wtf...People are stuck with appearance, if you're not a skinny bitch, kinda slutty/horish then you can go, like: just fuck off!
But one person can't change the world! But does it worth it? What should i do, to stand against: murders,greed, money, evilness ?
I'm turning back where i belong to, to my solitude, and to my sweet bottle of J. Walker... Cheers!
How many times have you told me you love her
As many times as I've wanted to tell you the truth
How long have I stood here beside you
I live through you
You looked through me
Ooh, Solitude,
Still with me is only you
Ooh, Solitude,
I can't stay away from you
How many times have I done this to myself
How long will it take before I see
When will this hole in my heart be mended
Who now is left alone but me
Ooh, Solitude,
Forever me and forever you
Ooh, Solitude,
Only you, only true
Everyone leaves me stranded
Forgotten, abandoned, left behind
I can't stay here another night
Your secret admirer
Who could it be
Ooh, Can't you see
All along it was me
How can you be so blind
As to see right through me
And Ooh, Solitude,
Still with me is only you
Ooh, Solitude,
I can't stay away from you
Ooh, Solitude,
Forever me and forever you
Ooh, Solitude,
Only you, only true
Dedicated to my best friend witch happens to be my worst enemy: the solitude. Welcome back hun! Me going back to my bottle, i'm going to drink with the ghosts of the past and future, from the glass filled with poison, she's everywhere...
Have you ever felt the emptiness?
Have you ever felt the evilness?
Have you ever felt the sadness?
Yes you did, i did, they did....
Have you ever faked a smile?
Have you ever cried for a while?
Have you ever burned inside?
Have you ever ran away and hide?
Yes i did, you did, everybody....not anybody...
Have you ever wondered?
Have you ever whispered?
Have you ever .....
Have you ever sweated?
Have you ever shivered?
Have you ever ....
Have you ever love it?
Have you ever touched it?
Have you ever enjoy it?
Have you ever feared it?
Yes i did , you did , they didn't
Have you ever loved me?
Have you ever kissed me?
Have you ever ....
Have you ever betrayed me?
Have you ever lied to me?
Have you ever...
Yes you did, they did, i didn't...
Have you ever feared me?
Have you ever hated me?
Have you ever screwed me?
Have you ever been scared of me?
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