Soul's weight

Rustin Parr - Lost Souls



How much does a soul weigh?...

Some people say 7 pounds...

Yours...?


*All rights reserved
Photographer: me

The end...

I'm sick of me, of the old me...I'm not a loser, I'm a winner...This is how it supposed to be...I just want me. This time the universe will be mine, he will do whatever i want to...

So...

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end

After all, the end is the man best friend...All things come to an end...Everything has an end, everything has to end somewhere. 

Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I'll never look into your eyes...again 

I just wanted to live my never-ending story, made with sweet dreams, love and trust... Useless. So, this is the end of my expectations, I shall build another ones...
 

Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need...of some...stranger's hand
In a...desperate land 

I  broke this picture, i chased away my dreams... 
This is the end of my spirit's journey. He rested here for a while, believing that he finally found happiness, love, harmony...But he's wrong, he found just wisdom... A great treasure, I'd say... But this is not enough...he just wants to be free, free to love, to feel, to scream, to laugh to hate... free to do anything.  He wants to share his selfishness in  two. As a result, every end has a beginning...

Lost in a Roman...wilderness of pain
And all the children are insane
All the children are insane
Waiting for the summer rain, yeah 

My innocence, apparently was killed, you took it away, but I'm waiting for the summer rain, she'll wash away my pain, my bad thoughts, my love... Let the storm begin, feel my wrath... The last feeling of madness, paranoia. My life is too short to be like that...

There's danger on the edge of town
Ride the King's highway, baby
Weird scenes inside the gold mine
Ride the highway west, baby 

All I wanted was... I found what I was searching for, but it was too good to be true, is all in my head...I hate this.

Ride the snake, ride the snake
To the lake, the ancient lake, baby
The snake is long, seven miles
Ride the snake...he's old, and his skin is cold 

I was caught by some feelings, by lust, purity, innocence, by the temptation of being with you... I'm poisoned again...

The west is the best
The west is the best
Get here, and we'll do the rest  

Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill 

Go there...but don't kill my soul, my dreams, my hopes...

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end

I don't want to look in the past anymore, because i'll miss the essence of life. What's done is done, i'll leave it alone, i won't regret it... 

It hurts to set you free
But you'll never follow me
The end of laughter and soft lies
The end of nights we tried to die 

I just wanted to make you smile, to make me smile...

This is the end 

I'll leave this place, I'll go faraway from you, faraway from here, into a place that you can't find me... faraway from everything. Because this time is all about me... All I want is to be alone for a while, to discover myself, because it hurt too much...I've suffered enough...Loneliness is my only confident now... I just don't wanna lose you, because is too good to be true...

This is the end of myself, I'll give birth to a new me, same old new me... I won't look back, there's  a single today, the rest, is past... I shall go with the wind...

I found my happiness provider, i won't let it go... 


*All rights reserved
Photographers: me for the pics 3,4,5
                           Darius C. for the 1st picture
                           Alex B. for pictures 6,7 
All the pics are edited by me

ironie sau ironic?

Nisipul imi mangaie pielea...

Vantul adie lin...

Marea se uita la mine cu ochi verzi invaluiti in nuante de maro si pe alocuri de albastru, patrunzator...ma pierd in ea...ma simt fericita.

Sau confund...?

Dar vantul imi aduce-aminte ca fericirea-i efemera, ca lumina unei lumanari, nu exista practic...bate mai tare, imi rascoleste sufletul, vreau sa ploua...

Ploua...ma linistesc...

Mi-a luat tot...

Iar pierd, si ma intreb cu ce am gresit...

Dar nu-i nimic, pentru ca marea a fost,este si va fi dragostea mea, macar ea nu va pleca, odata cu vantul...Va fi acolo, cand o caut, ma va primi mereu cu bratele deschise si cu atingeri racoritoare, ma va purta in neant...

E ironic, stiu...

Pentru ca mereu raman cu marea-n suflet si cu scoica mea...cu o scoica cu povesti uitate, scrise de un suflet ratacit si singur mereu, care din cand in cand crede ca a gasit marcajul ce duce spre varf sau refugiu...

Se inseala, nu stie sa se orienteze probabil...si-a pierdut candva busola, sau poate ca nu a avut-o niciodata...

Si pun scoica intr-un raft, prafuit cu deziluzii, vise, sperante...inca astept.

Si ma voi fi pierdut intr-o culoare...

 Nu renunt...



 *All rights reserved
Photographer: me
Tools: 1st pic Canon S3IS, 2nd and 3rd Canon EOS MK ii+closeup lenses

Cui si spin....

rupt in colt
strans in piele
spart in os
flori de foc
sa te-ngroape iar la loc

dinte rau
sa-nnegreasca ochiul tau

sfant in cap
stai pe cruce despuiat

am sa m-omor
cant iar numele tau
ai sa te-ntorci in mine
vanat dumnezeu

inimi vin
si din piatra si din spin
cred sa pier
tot ce n-am sa pot sa iert

 cui si chin
gol in tine, ma inchin
sange rau
sa ma curga-n raiul tau

*All Rights reserved

Models: me, Alice D.

Photographer: me

RESTLESS

She embraced, with a smile,

as she opened the door.
A cold wind blows,
it puts a chill into her heart.

You have taken away the trust,
you're the ghost haunting through her heart.
Past and present are one in her head,
you're the ghost haunting through her heart.

Take my hand as I wander through,

all of my life I gave to you.

Take my hand as I wander through,
all of my love I gave to you.

You have taken away the trust,

you're the ghost haunting through her heart.
Past and present are one in her head,
you're the ghost haunting through her heart.

Take my hand as I wander through,

All of my life I gave to you.
Take my hand as I wander through,
All of my love I gave to you.

*All rights reserved:

Models me, Alice D. , Marius T., Darius C.

very bad sex...

From the series: Normal life for an UPB student
Episode: too many to count.... Very bad sex
Main characters: Me, Bia, Eve...
Director: God
OST: Rolling Stones- I can't get no satisfaction


What a normal student does in session, especially when the next day, at 8 am is taking a big exam??? The big majority is sleeping, eating, studying, but us.....:
 
Late 11th  February night, after a session of showing lousy pictures to Darky I've decided to study few more things for the shitty exam... My sweet tired and drained brain decided to punish me, at 2am with a "deep" sleep. After a resting and sweet night, full of non-concerns ( ya sure..) I've decided to woke, as a studious and working girl at 8.30 am. Full of energy, I took a shower, I ate... daily habits... After 3 hours on mint rubbing I've decided to go to the wonderful faculty, to study harddddd, meanwhile Bia called me, very carried away by the fact that we're going to the mountainside in the weekend. She seemed happy, she made me feel good, but, the " optimistic" biatch inside me, was, as usual a little bit skeptical, out of the blue.

Finally i left my "sweet" house and went to the faculty...

Arrived there, i found that there's no network connections... Usual and normal stuff for a technical environment, especially in an Electronics, Telecommunications and Information Technology faculty... But it's okay i said, we're a herd of engineers living in a place where there's no heat, light sources, power sources, etc. No need to complain, "look at the bright side: you'll study harder" I've said. So I did.

Meanwhile, someone closed the door from the class where i was. Well nothing special here, but there is no  door handle on the interior, and the only way to open the door is to enter the room... So... we're stuck about 40 min, where an urgent call of nature was playing with me...Funny, yah...

In this time, giant icicles is falling right in the front of the door from the entrance in za mighty faculty...I shouldn't mention the "skating-rink" from the campus...YEs dear faculty staff... we love you too...10x for providing us security, good conditions and great level of education...

Suddenly i felt sick....Hmm, pms is gone, well it supposed to be like that, because i;m going to the mountains..why i should feel good????No one of my friends or the people studying in that room had an lousy, damn nurofen...

Night comes, so my crazy girls arrived to the mighty "JEG" for a coffee break. We talk, we laugh, we talk... Eve decided not to go the exam, because of that ferocious male of her, Bia said that she had problems with the washing machine, etc..normal stuff.... At one time, Eve said that she had weird dreams about Laura and Bia, as usually i couldn't abstain myself and I've tried to interpret the dreams, saying that the girls we'll be upset with something....

At 11pm we decided to finally go home, not before going to hall to take some shits from there. We took Alex with us. At11.15 we arrived at the parking area, trying to get out of there. As usual, the parking sense of Bia helped us a lot, but in fact she did it well this time, the others cars blocked the exit...Hmm what to do what to do?? The ground is covered with wet snow.... a lot of snow...We decided to risk and go on the other exit(full of snow)... AAAAnd We're STUCK...HEEEEEELLLL YAAAA...Go and push the car: 3 pisi and one dude, the pisi showed their muscles and pushed the car, and Alex was trying to drive it....After some laughter, helping calls (poor Cretzu'), pushing harder, harder,IOOI...we did it, But the exit was still blocked....What should we do???

After turning on the alarm of the car that blocked the exit, the owner came and solved the problem.... We succeeded to exit from the parking area....Good..Now you may say that we're done....NOOOOOOOOOOOOO....Not in the deepest thoughts....
The shield of the car is broken..FUCK.....We borrow another car...Bia" OH, I'm living my life's drama...", i couldn't say anything to her, because she was right....
We're both Pisces and it seems that happiness is not our word...I was trying to be optimistic till the end...We're going back home with the borrowed car, meanwhile my grandma calls and tells me that is a power failure and i can't enter the block...ha ha ha ha ha.....
In her "normal" mind she said to me: come home, and wait for the power to come back in the front of the building....I said: " no, i;m going back to the faculty....", She said: " And where you'll sleep, are there girls..." .And i wanted to fuck her brains out in that moment...she rather see me like a poor dog sitting in the freezing night in the front of the building than going to faculty..

 Yes I;M GONNA FUCK EVERYBODY...happy now?

Buuut, I was still optimistic and i hoped till the end that the power will come back until we're driven Alex...And it did....

Now, is 3am and I'm studying hard...in 2hours i have to wake up..I so don't give a fuck about it...anyway i don't like what I'm attending right now....

Conclusions: Today it was like having sex with a guy that has no idea what is he doing, or who is extremely boring, or who while he fuckes you he talks about the exes, or his cookie is getting "harder"....

Another chapter closed from the saga: How to be fucked badly in three simple steps....*




*Steps: 1. Attend to UPB
             2. Study in vain
             3. Have "special " teachers....

Sorry for being so boring, i suck badly at telling stories...

Eva,,,

Eva...

Printesa captiva intr-un trup de pasare maiastra, tinuta intr-o colivie ca sa nu fie furata, dar care a facut pact cu Diavolul, pentru o clipa de libertate, cu pretul frumusetii- sa se transforme ...

Sta singura in colivia ei, observa lumea...

Totul a inceput acum 200 de ani, fata incepuse sa creasca, devenise o adolescenta - s-a indragostit. Ursitoarele i-au citit in luna si-n stele, ca, intr-o zi cu soare, cand regatul ei va fi colindat de printi de pe meleaguri insorite, dintr-o greseala fatala, dar pur inocenta isi va pierde libertatea...Ca va fi inconjurata de oameni rai, nu va mai stii niciodata ce-i iubirea, sentimentul ce iti elibereaza spiritul, dar cu riscul de a-l pierde - pentru totdeauna.

De teama ca profetia sa nu se indeplineasca, mai marii regatului au inchis-o intr-un turn de fildes, cu speranta ca nimeni nu o va fura... Singurul ei prieten era un soim, care-i soptea in serile cu luna, cat de frumoasa-i lumea.

Multi au fost cei care au incercat sa urce muntele, dar natura vitrega ce veghea turnul, le-a demonstrat ca nu-s suficient de barbati. Dar Eva, Eva tot spera, traia sorbind din paharul amagirii, raspirand aerul imbietor dar inselator al sperantei. A fost iubita de la distanta...

Intr-o zi a cedat, a invocat nemurirea, a demitizat eternul, a chemat Infernul...
El: Da, printesa, m-ati chemat?
Eva: Ultima sansa...
El: Ce nu va convine, vad ca patul batut in rubine, lenjeria de matase rosie...
Eva: E gol!
Eva(dupa un minut de tacere, cu ochii mari negrii, dar goi, uitandu-se catre el): Vreau sa iubesc, vreau sa simt iubirea!!
El: Dar, printesa...(cu un ranjet demonic, pervers) stiti ce-i iubirea??Sunteti sigura??
Eva: Ma enervezi, nu conteaza... Cum as putea sa simt ceva ce nu mi-a fost dat sa simt,mi-a fost interzis,ceva sau cineva?
El: Sunteti prea frumoasa, inocenta... Desi, as vrea multe, va avertizez....
Eva: Ia ce vrei, numai fa-ma sa iubesc, vreau sa fiu libera, vreau...Viata mea e o minciuna...Nu!

Se uita pe geam, padurea-i moarta, lupii urla a singuratate, noaptea e tarzie, dar slugile castelului nu o slobozesc din priviri, sunt atenti la fiecare miscare.... Vrea sa sara, dar... Il cauta, il striga dar, dar singurul ei prieten...

El: Libertatea ta o sa te coste mult, dar...Dar pentru un moment, inainte de a-mi da ...
Eva: Cat?
El: Hai sa nu ne gandim acum, uite...
El: De fapt stiu, hmm, da! Iti dau libertatea dar cu conditia sa nu te indragostesti niciodata...Asa vei trai fericirea. Stii doar, esti aici din acest motiv. Au grija ei de tine...
Eva: Orice, oricat...Doar vreau sa vad, sa simt?!

Parul ei negru, fata alba, lacrima de pe obrazul ei fin...Buzele rosii, dintr-o miscare au fost atinse de demonul in chip de barbat. Fata speriata, se innrosi- nu mai simtise asa ceva.

El: Vezi? Esti pregatita? Eu te las, dar am sa revin...O saruta de ramas-bun...

Eva plange, se culca in cearceafurile de matase, se simte ciudat...

Parca dormise o vesnicie, a fost trezita de soaptele lui.... Eva, Eva trebuie sa te trezesti! Slujitorii... nu mai sunt. Hai, hai sa mergem.
Eva, se trezi, buimaca, se uita in oglinda, a crescut,ciudat... Numai e o copila... Fuge-n lume...
Dar, dar lumea nemaivazand asa ceva, o trateaza cu indiferenta, o judeca, o ranesc... Eva speriata, nu renunta, orgoliul, suferintele ei, singuratatea reprezinta un pret mult prea mare...Nu!Invata sa se impuna, soimul o avertizase...Da!Lumea e goala, urata, rea, cruda (isi spusese, ca si cum ar vrea sa se convinga cu adevarat).
Calatorind prin deserturile marginale regatului sau, invrajbita, singura, dar cu o mare pofta de libertate, poposi intr-un refugiu. Acolo il intalni pe el, pe ei...
Ciudat, nu ma simt indiferenta, iar el, pare special, dar, stai..
Ceva ii invaluie mintea, trupul, inima ii batea ciudat, vroia...prima oara, a doua...Od! Od! Unde esti? Dar, Od disparusera subit.
Imbatata de aroma noua se lasa in voia sortii...Se iubea.

A plecat acasa, fericita, nu stia ce se intamplase cu adevarat. Dar, fericrea ei avea sa moara, la castel. Afland de toate acestea, parintii sai au ferecat-o iar in turnul de fildes, muntele a fost vrajit, gheata si viscolul acoperindu-i poteca catre el, practic era imposibil de urcat. Eva plangea, il chema pe Od, il astepta...

Od, Od unde-i, de ce nu mai vine... de ce?
Od: Printesa, El v-a avertizat!
Eva: asta-i iubirea? Oh nu, legamantul....
Od: Ma tem ca da, el acum incearca sa urce, dar in zadar...
Eva: Vreau sa fug, vreau sa-l vad...
Od: Printesa stai! Daca intr-adevar te iubeste, o sa reuseasca, iubirea trece peste orice obstacol... E libertatea...
Eva: Eu asta am cerut!!! De ce ??? De ce sunt iar aici??
Od: Pentru ca....
Eva: Trimite-mi vesti. Spune-i ca il iubesc...

In singuratatea ce-i vajaia in tample, trista... astepta... Od!!!

Od: Printesa ...El nu mai este!
Eva: Cummm??? A murit, oh nu!!!..nu..
Od: Nu, nu ... mai trist... a fugit...vroia... acum e fericit pare-se... e cu alta!?

Simti cum sufletul ei se sparge, isi auzea inima cum plange...De ce? Nu asta vroiam sa aflu...De ce? Gandurile negre ii acaparau constiinta, i se parea ca fata ei e umbrita de singuratate, se simtea urata!? Fugii...
Dar, slujitorii au prins-o si au dus-o la castel...Plina de manie si furie, Frigg a dat ordin sa fie inchisa... pe veci...
Mai bine mor!!
Frigg: Nu... lumea-i rea, urata, nu-i pentru tine... toti sunt hoti, fura din tine...
Te urasc! Mi-ai distrus fiinta, mi-ai omorat constiinta, mi-ai otravit psihicul...Va urasc! Lesina...
Se trezi, dar ceva era schimbat... Gratii,matase rosie....Oh nu...cine sunt? Ce sunt...Se uita intr-o oglinda agatata de gratii...OD! ODDDD! OD...De ce am aripi?ODD...

Dar Od nu mai veni...Il striga zile-n sir... In schimb demonul...

EL: Ha ha printesa, v-ati incalcat legamantul...
Eva: am fost o proasta, nu stiam, de ce nu mi-ai zis...DE CE?
El: Pentru ca, asta ati vrut libertate, iar eu va vreau pe dumneavoastra... simplu, echitabil... acum sunteti cea mai frumoasa pasare, intr-o colivie de aur..
Eva: Te urasc! Dar ai dreptate...ia-ma, du-ma undeva departe, departe, te rog...
El: Ma tem ca nu pot, nu am voie...
Eva: Vreau sa plec, te rog , fa-mi orice,orice...numai sa plec, vreau sa mai vad o data lumea, vreau sa gust din libertate... poate de data asta mi se vor rupe lanturile, poate el...
El: Sufletul tau, frumusetea ta... vor fi ale mele, pe veci, daca..
Eva: ....
El: Iti voi rupe colivia, vei reveni la frumoasa cu parul negru, pielea alba...
Eva (plangand): Ultima mea farama de suflet, poate, poate se va reintragi, pana acum toti au luat o bucatica, m-au facut sa simt opusul... ura...sa iubesc mi-a fost dat... dar inima mea a fost omorata...inca o sansa te rog!!!Inca mai sper...
El: Cum doriti, dorinta dvs. e lege pentru mine, dar aveti grija... Totul cu pretul frumusetii si al sufletului, veti fi altfel...
Eva: DA!

Si pleca... Se simti iar libera, dar trista, zambeste...merge mai departe, cauta, spera, gaseste, iubeste...Iar. Cu teama ca va pierde si ultima bucata din fiinta ei, se daruieste intru-totul, sufera..El a reusit sa o omoare, nu i-au ajuns iubirea ei, ea... vroia mai mult, afisa un zambet meschin, o trada...

Ura i-a cuprins sufletul, i-a invaluit mintea...Eva moare, se intoarce la castel, se reintoarce in colivia ei de aur,l-a gasit pe Od...mort, acum va fi singura pe veci...Penele i se transformasera, din albul angelic, devenisera negre...Demonul era fericit, era a lui pe veci, o iubire interzisa, nevruta...Ea... Se resemnase, oricum sufletul, ochii, inima...totul era gol...El...fericit, ca a omorat o fiinta, regasindu-se intr-alta....un nimic.

Eva.... A fost blestemata sa nu poata sa iubeasca...

...My Christmas day......

Gandul Matei - My Christmas day

wine bottle's lectures

Evanescence - Solitude


Today i felt the need to drink, i brought myself a good red wine. I was just walking on the streets full of hasty people, walking like depraved robots of the also called city, and i felt so lonely, a 1000 of thoughts passed my humble mind, killing my soul...


I'm an spectator, a doll who wants to break her chains, to escape from this place that looks so unfamiliar, yet she knows it well. I think i used to belong here but, yet i fell so tattered and torn, why? Something is missing from my complete state of my soul, i think peace it is or...?

Now is 12 a.m, i drank the entire bottle of wine, but weirdly, the alcohol didn't like my body and punished me with the nasty feeling of not feeling a thing, nor a dizziness or happiness... nothing. It's kinda annoying when i want to get wasted i quite don't succeed to...hmm.

What makes you happy? Have you ever asked that? Have you ever answered truly and honestly?

I miss that stupid smile on my ugly face, my stupid walk followed by my head in the clouds, and my stupid way of be, but my soul was killed, slowly but surely, someone took the last drop... I WANT IT BACK YOU BLOODY BASTARD, FUCK OFF! ALL OF YOU, ALL OF YOU WHO DRANK FROM MY SOUL!

Give me peace, this is all i want, but hell yah, ain't gonna happen' soon, because the place that usually people enjoy staying, for me is like hell on the earth... But guess what, the place that i call home is faraway from me, and, like all the stuff from this shitty world, the road to them is paved with... money. yes, money. People are born, are getting married and they're dying for a "noble" cause: money, wtf...People are stuck with appearance, if you're not a skinny bitch, kinda slutty/horish then you can go, like: just fuck off!

But one person can't change the world! But does it worth it? What should i do, to stand against: murders,greed, money, evilness ?

I'm turning back where i belong to, to my solitude, and to my sweet bottle of J. Walker... Cheers!

How many times have you told me you love her
As many times as I've wanted to tell you the truth
How long have I stood here beside you
I live through you
You looked through me

Ooh, Solitude,
Still with me is only you
Ooh, Solitude,
I can't stay away from you

How many times have I done this to myself
How long will it take before I see
When will this hole in my heart be mended
Who now is left alone but me

Ooh, Solitude,
Forever me and forever you
Ooh, Solitude,
Only you, only true

Everyone leaves me stranded
Forgotten, abandoned, left behind
I can't stay here another night

Your secret admirer
Who could it be

Ooh, Can't you see
All along it was me
How can you be so blind
As to see right through me

And Ooh, Solitude,
Still with me is only you
Ooh, Solitude,
I can't stay away from you

Ooh, Solitude,
Forever me and forever you
Ooh, Solitude,
Only you, only true

Dedicated to my best friend witch  happens to be my worst enemy: the solitude. Welcome back hun! Me going back to my bottle, i'm going to drink with the ghosts of the past and future, from the glass filled with poison, she's everywhere...

Have you ever... ?

Have you ever felt the emptiness?
Have you ever felt the evilness?
Have you ever felt the sadness?

Yes you did, i did, they did....

Have you ever faked a smile?
Have you ever cried for a while?
Have you ever burned inside?
Have you ever ran away and hide?

Yes i did, you did, everybody....not anybody...

Have you ever wondered?
Have you ever whispered?
Have you ever .....
Have you ever sweated?
Have you ever shivered?
Have you ever ....

Have you ever love it?
Have you ever touched it?
Have you ever enjoy it?
Have you ever feared it?

Yes i did , you did , they didn't

Have you ever loved me?
Have you ever kissed me?
Have you ever ....
Have you ever betrayed me?
Have you ever lied to me?
Have you ever...

Yes you did, they did, i didn't...

Have you ever feared me?
Have you ever hated me?
Have you ever screwed me?
Have you ever been scared of me?

Yes you were, they were....all of them..Even me!