Inca un an

Si da! a mai trecut un an, precum vantul si gandul.

     Atat de fugitiv, incat mintea mea nu mai poate percepe temporalitatea: acum e maine si maine a fost, de fapt, alaltaieri.
    Totul este pus sub povara efemeritatii, suntem atat de grabiti sa traim, incat uitam sa mai facem asta, din cand in cand. Sau, din contra, mediul, societatea ne forteaza, ne impinge precum un tsunami gigantic in urma caruia te bucuri zicand: Pfiu! Bine ca s-a terminat sau Cat naiba mai dureaza?

    Si imbatranesc, simt ca mi se ia lumina, soarele se misca prea repede, eu nu mai am timp sa sintetizez. Simt ca ma ofilesc incet, iar pamantul in care mi-am infipt radacinile este otravit. Ma invenineaza, ma ofileste, ma omoara.

     Vreau sa plec.
     Nu mai vreau suprasaturatii si seve ce nu-mi convin. Vreau sa-mi caut eu pamntul si sa ma inradacinez, de fapt, nu... vreau sa devin o planta perena, iar pamantul sa mi-l ud eu, nu ei si nu voi. Eu.


      Pentru ca am renuntat la a mai fi eu sau la adorinta de a fi eu, pentru ca, s-a vrut asta, am fost fortata sau vrajita. In ameteala lugubra ce mi-a cuprins mintea mi-am uitat fiinta. Ma simt ca un cabotin al societatii, al vremii, repetand intr-una acelasi solilocviu, jucand rolul de victima perpetua...  Rad ca sa par fericita, cand de fapt, in mintea mea se intampla tot felul de atrocitati si pervesiuni. Ura! Multa ura, scarba si dispret si din cand in cand fericire, teama, andrenalina, dragoste, dezechilibru, vointa, pasiune, deznadejde, singuratate, sex, violenta, lasitate si iar ura.

     Urasc sa fiu mintita, dar si eu mint la randul meu, mint pentru ca m-am saturat de acuzari inutile si afirmatii calomniatoare.
     Urasc oamenii care intra in spatiul meu fara ca eu sa le dau permisiunea, care ma controleaza...

     Urasc oamenii care sunt inchisi, limitati, nefericiti, pentru ca prin invidia lor, calca pasunea plina de flori si o uda cu pesticide...

     Si automat devii nefericit pentru ca cei din jurul tau te omoara...

“Cand apare un adevarat geniu in lume il poti recunoaste dupa acest semn: toti ignorantii se unesc impotriva lui.”
Jonathan Swift

       Nu este cazul, nu ma consider un geniu, nici pe departe, dar subtilitatea consta in altceva. Genii am putea fi cu totii, daca nu ni s-ar taia aripile inca din frageda pruncie.


     Cam atat, astept o raza de soare printre norii ce au prevestit furtuna.


Si da, mi-am facut o lista pentru 2013...Sa nu mai las timpul sa treaca peste pasiunile mele, promit ca o sa imi resuscitez blogul. am multe de aratat si frumoase.

beautiful even in death...

Because we are living in two sided world, one that describes the eternity and the other one the ephemeral world, this butterfly is the perfect example of the human condition. 

We build our worlds from high expectations, illusions, idealism, but in the end we sit, hanging tight for a strand of grass at the edge of them. Into the light lays the creation of perceptual condition, idealism, mysticism, but in the dark we are all sitting, killed or covered by our false expectations, society constrains, or even by us, us the lousy humans that don't know how is not to be mean, hypocrite, etc...

But in the end, some of us, are laying there, into the light, beautiful even in death...

Photographer:me

Dreaming of you...

Shivers run down my spine

like the hunted...

Perfect and true,

Only you borrow what you hope for.

Only you borrow..

I recognize that you might have,
Don't believe that it's true.
And there's a fire tonight;
Don't believe what you do.

In an instant distant sorrow...
like there's no tomorrow,
and what you leave out...
What you leave out
in here...

Leave out
Might hold on like a vacuum...
Touching something under your skin.

I recognize that you might have..
Don't believe that it's true.
And there's a fire tonight;
Don't believe what you do.

Do you dream your dreams in color?
Do you dream until it's over?
Do you dream your dreams in color?
Closer...
Closer to me...
Closer...
Closer in dreams...

Path you lead you said you'd follow,
Breaking through what seems hollow.
When you dream you dream in color,
it will be finer there.

Path you lead you said you'd follow,
when you dream you dream in colour.
In dreams.

*All rights reserved

Photographer:me

Models: Laura M. & Bogdan S.

Anna - Fly Away From Here

 Aerosmith - Fly Away From Here

Gotta find a way

Yeah, I can't wait another day

And nothin' gonna change

If we stay around here

Gotta do what it takes

Cause all in our hands,

We all make mistakes, yeah

But it's never too late to start again

Take another breath

And say another prayer

Then fly away from here
Anywhere
Yeah, I don't care
We'll just fly away from here
Our hopes and dreams are out there somewhere
Won't let time pass us by
We'll just fly

If this life
Gets any harder now
It ain't no nevermind
You got me by your side
And anytime you want

 
Yeah, we can catch a train and find a better place
Yeah, cause we won't let nothin' or no one keep gettin' us down
Maybe you and I
Could pack our bags and hit the sky



Then fly away from here
Anywhere
Yeah, I don't care
We'll just fly away from here
Our hopes and dreams are out there somewhere
Won't let time pass us by
We'll just fly

Do you see a bluer sky now
You can have a better life now
Open your eyes
Cause no one here can ever stop us
They can try but we won't let them
No way

Maybe you and I
Could pack our bags and say goodbye

Then fly away from here
Anywhere
Honey, I don't care
We'll just fly away from here

 

Our hope and dreams are out there somewhere
Fly away from here
Yeah, anywhere
Honey, I don't, I don't, I don't care

*All rights reserved

Photographer:me

Model: Anna

Location: Muddy Volcanoes - Romania

weekend...end

friday:

1.i finished the presentation
2. i laughed
3. i finally met my mom


Saturday:

1. i ate shushiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
2. i ate choco with liquor
3. I received presents >:) <:)
4. i edited pics
5. i slept
6. i watched my fav tv series

Sunday:

1. i ate icecream
2. i've met my lovely friends, had a nice talk, it felt soo good
3. i look at my pictures, when i suddenly realized how much i miss:

"Nu te intalnesti decat o singura data cu un lucru mare, intr-adevar mare. Pe urma intamplarile nu au nici o importanta.[...]nu mai schimba nimic. Nu mai sunt transparente, nu mai vezi prin ele dincolo.[...]Cu o asemenea dragoste nu te intalnesti decat o singura data in viata.[...]Sta in putinta noastra sa realizam acest miracol. Dar ne dam seama prea tarziu de el, ne dam intotdeauna seama prea tarziu..." (M.Eliade - "nunta in cer")

wednesday...thursday

middle of the week:
1. we are making baby steps
2. went to the doctor - the signs are good, hoping for the best
3. i laugh a lot

today:
1. thanks god for my friends
2. i learned new stuffy for my work
3. i played basketball with my lovely guys
4. one of them triggered a nasty reply to the world inside my little head - see the letter attached below


Dear you, yah, you over there!!!

I want to ask you why? Why your mind is so complex that you enjoy picking stockish dolls. Because my simple mind is amazed. I just cannot stop staring and wondering how all you look alike. I mean, on everyone's neck it is an invisible tattoo with the serial number from the stock where you just popped. Isn't just sooo awesome, to wear same clothes like the others, to spent more than half a day looking in a mirror and to dream only at fashion and fancy clubs, to live in world with look-oriented perspective? isn't just cool to see your girlfriend/boyfriend in every person in the streets?

I am asking all of this questions because i think your life is so amazing, so...entertaining, with a lots of stories to tell.
Looking back at my life, from the haute couture collection of the creator, i realize that mine, in comparison with yours, is soo boring. it's so meaningless not to spent more than an hour per day in front of a mirror, not to go an the mall everyday, not to go in fancy clubs every weekend, not to spend all of my money on clothes.
I mean, going to mountains,snowboarding, playing bball/voleyball, taking pictures, meeting people same as dull as you are, listening to quality music, talking about philosophy, reading books, having more than an ear-ring, having a fancy haircut, dressing different than you, acting like a stupid child when love is involved in equation, acting crazy sometimes, must be so boring. I really do not wish to have such an amazing life like yours, because my simple mind and soul, my fluffiness also is not able to stand for what you have.

But i forgot the reason for your happiness and for judging people like me. Usually, the human nature is sooo lazy that is always running for the simple things. I mean, a doll like me cannot be handled that easy. So, i dare you not to pick haute-couture dolls (guys/girls) like me. you may risk an extremely boring life like ours and your amazing and complex one would be ruined if you get involved with an awesome, beautiful, sexy, smart and not giving a fuck anymore doll.

From an humble, boring and narrow-minded person!

Monday ... Tuesday...

What can i say? Awesome week start:

1.Super mega cool thing that i did on Monday, for the first time in the last 3-4 months: i played basketball. I can't believe i did that... sweeeet, it was so, but with small pains- my leg is not fully recovered, but honestly now - i think it will never be the same- so, the good part is that i'll start doing my favorite things AGAIN, but with moderation.

2.i ate chocolate :P

3.i've met new people (cute guy also :P)

4.i played basketball :D, oh i've mentioned that :D

But today:

1. i did a new thing in my life: i ate seafood: mussels - quite good with a Chinese food mix :P

2.Also, for the first time this year: icecreeeeaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmm

3.Today I socialized in the new Jeg, with my curly friend- wonderful time spent together :P

4.i stared at the cute guy...just stared :))

5.i used my creativity :D

6. I finished reading a book written by my favorite author - more to come

7.felt good - overall

The Muddy Volcanoes: unique in Europe

First time when i got there...part 1:

 

*All rights reserved
Photographer:me

Lazy day

Today I lazed, in the old fashion way:housekeeping, sleeping, watching my favorite TV-series, edited almost all the pictures from "into the wild photoshooting" and it felt damn good.

And the day ends with a nice warm or hot bubblebath, and maybe with a new post on my blog.

Cheers ;)

P.s: i need more of these to recharge my bloody batteries

Different approach...

Well, because a new year has come, i should get a fresh start.
 For the 2012's resolution i wrote down many thoughts like what i should change, improve, forget about or what to grab, to wish for. But for everything, the small steps are required, if i want to change the world :P...

Why?

Because last year i lost so many things, like my friends, my happiness, my self-esteem, i quite lost myself. So, I am not a crybaby, it doesn't define me. 
Thanks to special people in my life, as i promised, i want to change. To become a better person. I'll hide the mirrors in order to reveal the true image of myself.

I always loved Einstein, for his (meta)physical perspective on life - the relativistic principle of causality. As a result, yesterday two of my lovely friends gave me some advice, one verbally and another (even she doesn't know that - it just came perfect with my plans) with: http://www.financiarul.ro/2011/11/19/3-descoperiri-ale-fizicii-cuantice-cu-impact-major-asupra-vietii-noastre/

It's futile to repeat what others said about  the human mind and its powers. As a result, as i promised, everyday I'll keep a "journal" with small good things that made my day cooler, brighter. But I'll keep in mind the following:

Use words that encourage happiness.

Try one new thing every day.

Start spending time with the right people.

Start being honest with yourself about everything.

Start making your own happiness a priority.

Start being yourself, genuinely and proudly.  


Start facing your problems head on.


So starting from today, i'll write down good stuff that made my day brighter:

1. I ate my favorite cookie:chocolate chip brownies

2. I slept for almost 4h -hell of a beauty sleep, it felt so fucking good

3. I cleaned my room - i was drooling at my mountain gear : can't hardly wait to use it

4. I watched a lots of episodes from my favorite TV show - droll at those gorgeous dudes

5. I spoke with my friends.

6. I edited a few pics with my cool models from last year's shootings.

And i feel peace...